My Mother Explains the Ballet to Me 老妈的芭蕾舞“脱口秀”.docVIP

My Mother Explains the Ballet to Me 老妈的芭蕾舞“脱口秀” 　　Where have you been？ It’s starting in five minutes！ I hate having to leave your ticket at the box office. Why can’t you just show up on time like a normal person？ You think you’d be able to be here early since you’re not coming from a job， a girlfriend， any kind of rich social life or commitment to public service. Anyway， I’m glad you’re here. Give me a kiss. 　　What did you think of that usher1）？ She seems pretty， a little chunky maybe， but nice， right？ A nice face. You need to find someone like that. Did you like her？ Did you say anything to her， or did you just nod and shut down like you do around any girl that’s not Sarah？ Anyway， she is a bit chunky. Not for you. 　　O.K.， it’s starting. Try not to text during the show if you can help it. Do you know anything about this ballet？ It was a hundred and twenty-five dollars. You should know what you’re seeing. It was written by Wagner2）， which is pronounced “Vagner” and who was a Nazi， but before Hitler. O.K.， turn your phone off. It’s starting. 　　You see， what’s happening now is that she’s in love with those three men？ That’s why they’re all holding the roses. And she’s courting them at the same time. Like when you drove all the way to Providence for Sarah’s graduation and she decided she didn’t have any time for you. But I’m sure she was able to squeeze in some time for what’s-his-name， Patrick？ Are they still together？ They deserve each other. She was never right for you. She brought almond3） cake to the house after your grandmother’s funeral. As if one death wasn’t enough， she wants me to go into anaphylactic shock4） at my own mother-in-law’s funeral？ I’m not telling you who you should date. It’s not my business and I respect your “process，” but that girl was an ungrateful hussy5） who never appreciated you. 　　Why can’t you stand like that guy on stage？ Look at his posture. Forget that he’s black for a second， and just look at his body. His shoulders are back. H