bsh《巷》翻译点评和学习资料.ppt

Revision: Whoever loiters around in the lane for a while, he will enjoy a mood as calm as the age-old well in the end of the lane. 点评：逐句分析翻译很好，选词符合原文风格，但在行文中还应注意英语的语篇句际间的衔接。如上句开头的there可与其前面的lane产生衔接, 改用where： Whoever loiters around in the lane for a while, he will enjoy a mood as calm as the age-old well in the end of the lane，where you will experience a kind of peaceful quietude rather than eeriness and bleakness. 再次修订：Whoever loiters around in the lane for a while, he will enjoy a mood as calm as the age-old well in the end of the lane，where a kind of peaceful quietude rather than eeriness and bleakness pervades. (虚化人称主语结构) Or：Whoever loiters around in the lane for a while, he will enjoy a mood as calm as the age-old well in the end of the lane which is pervaded with a kind of peaceful quietude rather than eeriness and bleakness. 它可能是一条现代的乌衣巷，家家有自己的一本哀乐帐，一部兴衰史，可是重门叠户，讳莫如深， It may be another WuYi Xiang (a special residential area of the nobility in Jin Dynasty) in modern times, with each family’s stories of sorrows and happiness, rise and decline. However, the closed doors make them secret for the outside. 建议修改为：It may be another lane called WuYi Xiang (a poetically-described lane in the Jin Dynasty) in modern times, with each family covering up　its stories, sorrowful or delightful, rising or declining. Behind the closed doors no secrets are known to the outside. 巷，是人海汹汹中的一道避风塘，给人带来安全感；是城市喧嚣扰攘中的一带洞天幽境，胜似皇家的阁道，便于平常百姓徘徊徜徉。 The lane is a haven in the sea of human, giving people a sense of security. it is a different serene place in the noisy cities. Unlike the plank road for royal family’s vehicles, it is for common people to wander about leisurely. 建议修订： The lane seems to be a haven in the swelling sea of human beings, giving a sense of security. it is a secluded place in the noisy cities, offering a pleasant serenity. Unlike the plank road for royal family’s vehicles, it is for common people to loiter about for leisure-enjoying. Those who chase we