超中肯老猫给小猫的一堂课.docVIP

超中肯！老貓給小貓的一堂課 (Dear Kitten) Dear Kitten, 親愛的小貓， Since I have hissed at you the customary 437 times, 自從我習慣性地對你哈氣437回後 it is now my duty as the head of the household to, begrudgingly, welcome you. 現在身為一家之主的我有責任 百般不願地 歡迎你 Perhaps you are here to replace me, 也許你是來取代我的 but I must do my duty in educating you on your new surroundings 但我還是得履行我的責任：讓你熟悉新環境 as Maximilian once did for me. Rest in peace. 就像麥克米倫之前為我做的 願老麥安息 Dear Kitten, this room here is basically a crapshoot. 親愛的小貓 這間房間基本上就像場賭注 Either you get the petting of your life and I mean two hands like you dont even know whats going on, 你有可能得到生命中的「摸摸」 我指用兩隻手的那種摸到讓你神魂顛倒 or they just lie there and dont do anything for hours. Its weird. 或者他們就只會躺在那邊好幾個小時 什麼都不做 有夠奇怪 Oh, and I should also point out. 噢 還有我必須指出 On special occasions they will leave the underwear drawer open 在特殊時刻時他們會打開內褲那層衣櫃 to signal their appreciation...of me. 來表示...對我的感激 Just to be clear, its my spot. 話先說清楚：這是我的地盤 Its perfect in there. Its like sleeping surrounded by underwear. 待在裡面棒極了...就像在內褲海中睡覺 Well, I mean… thats exactly what it is.呃 我想說 就是那樣 Dear Kitten, I remember when I could fit in a shoe. Theres nothing like it. 親愛的小貓，我還記得當時可以塞進鞋子裡時 沒有什麼比這更棒的了： Being engulfed in 360 degrees of foot smell 被腳臭味360度的吞沒 Enjoy it while you can. 在你還可以(塞得進去)的時候好好享受吧 Dear kitten, because you are so small, you cannot jump. 親愛的小貓，因為你太小隻無法跳 Which is sad. Sad for you. But eventually you will. 真可悲 替你感到難過 但你終究會跳的 And you will find the places that I referred to as up. 然後你會找到一些被我稱為是『上』的地方 This will come in handy, especially around the human larva, 這時候就很管用了 尤其當人類寶寶在附近時 which I know smells like milk, but can be a bit...grabby. 就我所知他們聞起來像牛奶 但可能會讓你很想抓他們 Dear Kitten, you should be aware that there are two kinds of food. 親愛的小貓，你得注意食物有兩種 The first is sort of a dehydrated, brown nibblet. 第一種像是脫水的咖啡色點點 Just a guess. The second kind is wet food. 猜猜而已 第二種食物是濕食 It is so special they keep it in little armored metal casings 他們特別到要放在小小的鐵甲容器中 that no claw can penetrate. With no claws to speak of, 任何爪