English Jokes_英文小笑话.docxVIP

What is the longest word in the English language? SMILES: there is a mile between the first and last letters! Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map. Maria: This is it. Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America? Class: Maria did. A Scotsman who was driving home one night, ran into a car driven by an Englishman. The Scotsman got out of the car to apologize and offered the Englishman a drink from a bottle of whisky. The Englishman was glad to have a drink.Go on, said the Scot, have another drink.The Englishman drank gratefully. But dont you want one, too? he asked the Scotsman. Perhaps, replied the Scotsman, after the police have gone. A: Arent you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?B: Yes I am, I married the wrong woman. A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine.Officer: You were speeding.Man: No, I wasnt.Officer: Yes, you were. Im giving you a ticket.Man: But I wasnt speeding.Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?Officer: Yes, you would.Man: What if I just thought that you were?Officer: I cant give you a ticket for what you think.Man: Fine, I think youre a jerk! What are the three quickest ways of spreading a rumour (or gossip).Telegram Telephone Tell a woman Perhaps not very politically correct in the times we live in, but worth a slight chuckle. EDITORS NOTE: Maybe you could teach your students the phrase politically correct and discuss it. If you give a man a fish, he eats for a day.If you teach a man to fish, he can always eat.If you give a man a fire, hes warm for a day.If you light a man on fire, he is warm for the rest of his life. A: Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephants milk and gained twenty pounds in a week.B: Thats impossible. Whose baby?A: An elephants. Am I the first man you have ever loved? he said.Of course, she answered Why do men always ask the same question?.When I was young I d