《自深深处》完美排版.docx

[January-March 1897]H.M. Prison, Reading雷丁监狱1897 年1-3 月0.1Dear Bosie, After long and fruitless waiting I have determined to write to you myself, as much foryour sake as for mine, as I would not like to think that I had passed through two long years ofimprisonment without ever having received a single line from you, or any news or message even, exceptsuch as gave me pain.1.2Our ill-fated and most lamentable friendship has ended in ruin and public infamy for me, yetthe memory of our ancient affection is often with me[2b], and the thought that loathing, bitterness andcontempt should for ever take that place in my heart once held by love is very sad to me and youyourself will, I think, feel in your heart that to write to me as I lie in the loneliness of prison-life is betterthan to publish my letters without my permission or to dedicate poems to me unasked, though the worldwill know nothing of whatever words of grief or passion, of remorse or indifference you may choose tosend as your answer or your appeal[2d].2.3I have no doubt that in this letter in which I have to write of your life and of mine, of the past and ofthe future, of sweet things changed to bitterness and of bitter things that may be turned into joy, there willbe much that will wound your vanity to the quick. If it prove so, read the letter over and over again till itkills your vanity. If you find in it something of which you feel that you are unjustly accused, rememberthat one should be thankful that there is any fault of which one can be unjustly accused. If there be init one single passage that brings tears to your eyes, weep as we weep in prison where the day no less thanthe night is set apart for tears. It is the only thing that can save you. If you go complaining to yourmother, as you did with reference to the scorn of you I displayed in my letter to Robbie, so that she mayflatter and soothe you back into self-complacency or conceit, you will be completely lost. If you find onefalse excuse for yourse