黄西美国记者年会上的脱口秀演讲稿.docx

黄西 美国记者年会上的脱口秀 演讲稿 Goodevening, everyone. My nameis Joe Wong. But to most people, I amknown as Who? Hu is actually my mothers maiden name, to my credit card security question.  and the answer 各位晚上好，我是 Joe Wong（黄西）。但是对很多人来说，听到我的名字， 会问“谁” ?Who（同音“ Hu”）恰恰是我妈的娘家姓， 也是我信用卡安全问题的答案。 But joking aside, I just want to reassure everybody that I am invited here tonight. 但是玩笑归玩笑，我想让大家放心我今晚的确是受到邀请来的。（这里是隐指 Salah 夫妇闯入白宫欢迎晚宴的新闻） I grew up in China. Who wouldnt? 我在中国长大。谁不是呢？（这是用自己的自大讽刺美国人的自大） As my childhood memories are totally ruined by my childhood. WhenI was in elementary school, as part of the curriculum, I have to work at a rice paddy, right next to a quarry where they use explosives to break rocks. And that is where I learned that light travels faster than sound, which is almost as slow as a flying rock. 而我童年的所有记忆都被我的童年给毁了。 读小学的时候，作为课程的一部分，我要去稻田里劳动， 稻田的旁边是一个采石场， 他们用炸药炸石头。 也就是在那里，我知道了光的传播速度要比声音快， 而声音的速度就和石头飞的速度差不多慢。 My dad was a grumpy guy, but occasionally he would tried to cheer me up with jokes. But he doesnt do it right. WhenI was seven, one day he said to me, Hi, son, why is tofu better than centralized socialist economy? So, five minutes later, I said, Why? He said, Because I said so! 我爸爸是个脾气很怪的人， 但偶尔他也想用笑话来逗我玩儿。 可是他又做不好。我七岁的时候，有一天他问我，“嘿，儿子，你说为什么豆腐比社会主义计划经 济要好？”（风马牛不相及）我想了五分钟，然后问他“为什么呢？”， 他说“因为我说好就是好！”（笑点在于：豆腐，计划经济以及极端的父权。豆腐和经济放在一起本来就没有可比性，就好像这种“我说了算”的父权也根本不可理喻，让人又好气又好笑） I came to the United States when I was 24, to study at Rice University in Texas. That wasnt a joke, until now. 我 24 岁的时候来到美国，在  Texas 的 Rice University  求学。这不是个笑话， 不过现在是了。 And I was driving that a used car with a lot of bumper stickers that are impossible to peel off. And one of them said, If you dont speak English, go home! And I didnt notice it for two years. 我当时开了辆二手车， 保险杠上贴了好多贴纸 （就类似我们的“熊出没注意”那种），贴的很牢，就根本不可能撕下来。其中一张写着“如果你不说英文，就滚回家去”。（，这句话有歧视外来移民的意味）而我两年后才看到它。 And like many other immigrants, we wanted our son to becomethe president of this country. And we try to make him bilingual, you know, C