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101TheOneWhereMonicaGetsaNewRoommate(ThePilot-TheUncut
Version)
[Scene:CentralPerk,Chandler,Joey,Phoebe,andMonicaarethere.]Monica:Theresnothingtotell!HesjustsomeguyIworkwith!
Joey:Comeon,youregoingoutwiththeguy!Theresgottabesomethingwrongwithhim!
Chandler:AllrightJoey,benice.Sodoeshehaveahump?Ahumpandahairpiece?
Phoebe:Wait,doesheeatchalk?
(Theyallstare,bemused.)
Phoebe:Just,cause,IdontwanthertogothroughwhatIwentthroughwithCarl-oh!
Monica:Okay,everybodyrelax.Thisisnotevenadate.Itsjusttwopeoplegoingouttodinnerand-nothavingsex.
Chandler:Soundslikeadatetome.
[TimeLapse]
Chandler:Alright,soImbackinhighschool,Imstandinginthemiddleofthecafeteria,andIrealizeIamtotallynaked.
All:Oh,yeah.Hadthatdream.
Chandler:ThenIlookdown,andIrealizetheresaphone...there.
Joey:Insteadof...?
Chandler:Thatsright.
Joey:Neverhadthatdream.
Phoebe:No.
Chandler:Allofasudden,thephonestartstoring.NowIdontknowwhattodo,everybodystartslookingatme.
Monica:Andtheywerentlookingatyoubefore?!
Chandler:Finally,IfigureIdbetteranswerit,anditturnsoutitsmymother,whichisvery-veryweird,because-shenevercallsme!
[TimeLapse,Rosshasentered.]
Ross:(mortified)Hi.
Joey:Thisguysayshello,Iwannakillmyself.
Monica:Areyouokay,sweetie?
Ross:Ijustfeellikesomeonereacheddownmythroat,grabbedmysmallintestine,pulleditoutofmymouthandtieditaroundmyneck...
Chandler:Cookie?
Monica:(explainingtotheothers)Carolmovedherstuffouttoday.Joey:Ohh.
Monica:(toRoss)Letmegetyousomecoffee.
Ross:Thanks.
Phoebe:Ooh!Oh!(ShestartstopluckattheairjustinfrontofRoss.)
Ross:No,nodont!Stopcleansingmyaura!No,justleavemyauraalone,okay?Phoebe:Fine!Bemurky!
Ross:Illbefine,alright?Really,everyone.Ihopeshellbeveryh
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